If there is violence in the background — shelter and help

If there has been violence or the threat of violence in the relationship — physical, psychological, sexual, economic or stalking — safety comes before everything else. Violence is never the victim's fault, and responsibility always lies with the person who uses it. Violence usually does not stop on its own but tends to continue and get worse, so it is worth seeking help as early as possible.

Shelter

A shelter provides protection and crisis help when it is not safe to stay at home. It is free, open around the clock, and you do not need a referral — you can come on your own initiative, anonymously if needed, at any time of day and regardless of where you live. The shelter is meant for everyone: women, men and non-binary people, alone or with children. The staff also help with practical matters, such as a new home, a restraining order and a police report.

• Call Nollalinja 080 005 005 — free, anonymous and open 24/7. They can see the nearest available shelter and advise you on how to get there. You can also call a shelter directly.
• In immediate danger call 112 — for example if someone is trying to break into your home.
• If you can leave calmly, take your identity document, bank credentials, medicines and necessary items for the children too. Turn off location sharing on your phone.
• Do not tell your new address to a violent partner — the shelter's address is kept secret.

Divorce: how it proceeds

A divorce is applied for from the District Court, and it is always granted — the reasons for the divorce are not examined, and the other spouse cannot prevent it. The process has two stages: first an application that starts the reconsideration period, and after the reconsideration period a second application by which the divorce is confirmed.

Stage 1: application and reconsideration period

The application is submitted to the District Court in either spouse's home locality — electronically in the MyCourt (OmaTuomioistuin) service or on a form via Suomi.fi Messages. The application can be made alone or together. From when it is submitted, a six-month reconsideration period begins: if you apply together, it starts from the date of submission, and if you apply alone, from when your spouse is served the application. The processing fee for stage 1 is 240 euros (2026).

Stage 2: confirming the divorce

Once the reconsideration period has run for six months, you make the second-stage application and the District Court grants the divorce. The second application must be made before a year has passed from stage 1 — otherwise the process lapses and the divorce must be applied for again. The fee for stage 2 is 115 euros. If you have lived apart continuously for at least two years (for example according to the Population Information System), you can apply for the divorce directly without a reconsideration period.

Cohabiting separation: what is different

Ending a cohabiting relationship requires no District Court and no application — it is enough that you move apart. Because cohabiting partners have no marital right to property, each keeps their own property as a rule, and it is not divided equally as in a divorce.

If one of you has, however, contributed clearly more to the shared household, they can claim compensation (the Act on the Dissolution of the Household of Cohabiting Partners). This applies to cohabiting partners who have lived together for at least five years or who have, or have had, a common child. In case of disagreement, you can apply to the District Court for an estate distributor to separate the property.

The children's matters are handled in a cohabiting separation exactly as in a divorce: custody, residence, contact and maintenance are agreed at the child welfare officer. The child's rights do not depend on whether the parents were married.

The children: custody, residence and contact

In the child's matters, four things are agreed: custody (joint or sole custody — custody means the right to decide on the child's affairs, not with whom the child lives), residence (with whom the child officially lives; alternating residence is also possible), right of contact (how and when the child sees the non-resident parent) and maintenance.

• Agree at the child welfare officer — it is free and the primary way. The child welfare officer works within the wellbeing services county. The agreement they confirm is as valid as a court order and enforceable if needed.
• The starting point is always the child's best interest — not fairness between the parents. Consider which arrangement is best for the child, not who "wins".
• If you cannot reach agreement, you can get help from family mediation and from the District Court's expert-assisted mediation (Follo). A dispute is settled in the District Court only as a last resort.
• At stage 2 of the divorce the District Court takes up the child's custody and contact on its own initiative if they have not been agreed.

If the other parent blocks contact (parental alienation)

The right of contact is above all the child's right to see the parent they do not live with. Neither parent may unilaterally decide on contact or block agreed meetings. The law reformed in 2019 obliges both parents to support the realisation of contact and to foster the child's close relationships — deliberately hampering the relationship between the child and the other parent (parental alienation) is regarded as psychological violence against the child.

Parental alienation means behaviour that hampers the relationship between the child and the other parent: for example repeatedly blocking meetings with excuses, speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child, or putting the child in situations where they have to choose. At worst, the relationship breaks off completely. It affects either parent, regardless of gender.

What you can do

• Make sure you have a confirmed agreement or a court order on contact — only a confirmed agreement is enforceable. A verbal or unconfirmed arrangement is not enough. The agreement is confirmed at the child welfare officer.
• Write everything down — every blocked meeting, dates, messages and excuses. Documentation is decisive if the matter goes to the District Court.
• Apply for enforcement from the District Court — if the resident parent does not comply with the confirmed agreement, you can apply for its enforcement in the child's or your own locality. The District Court usually first orders enforcement mediation; if that does not help, it can order the parent to allow the meetings under threat of a conditional fine.
• Having the child fetched is a last resort — in extreme cases the child can be ordered to be fetched by the enforcement officer, but only for very weighty reasons in the child's interest, and it is not done against the will of a child who has turned 12.
• Consider changing the custody or residence arrangement — if the alienation is serious, you can apply to the District Court for a change. A parent's ability to support the child's relationship with the other parent is a weighty ground for the court, and the District Court can request a circumstances report from the wellbeing services county.

You can get free help from a legal aid office (as a low-income person, state legal aid for the whole process) and from the child welfare officer. For resolving disagreements, there is also the District Court's expert-assisted mediation (Follo).

Child maintenance and maintenance allowance

Child maintenance is a sum of money that the parent with whom the child does not mainly live pays for the child's upkeep. The amount is based on the child's needs and each parent's ability to pay. Maintenance is agreed at the child welfare officer (who confirms the agreement) or, in a dispute, in the District Court.

Maintenance allowance is a safety net paid by Kela: if maintenance has not been confirmed, is not being paid, or has been confirmed below the maintenance allowance, Kela pays a maintenance allowance of 197.71 euros a month per child (2026). Apply for it from Kela in MyKela. If the liable parent does not pay the confirmed maintenance, Kela can pay the allowance and recover the sum from them.

Division of property and debts

In a divorce, property is divided in the division of matrimonial property: the spouses' net assets subject to the marital right are added together and split equally, unless a prenuptial agreement provides otherwise. The basis of the division is the day the divorce became pending — the property is valued according to the situation on that day. The division can be done as soon as the divorce is pending; you do not have to wait until the divorce has been confirmed.

If you cannot agree on the division, the District Court can appoint an impartial estate distributor to carry it out. Note the new time limit: from 1 June 2026, claims on the former spouse's property must be made within ten years. Always make the division as a written deed of division — if a division is not made, the marital right remains for the former spouse, which causes problems, for example later in the event of death.

Support after separating

A separation often leads to a collapse in income when the costs of one household fall on one person. Check your benefits straight away — many of them have to be applied for yourself and do not come automatically:

• Single-parent supplement to child benefit — 73.30 €/month per child (2026). You get it even if you have joint custody, as long as you live apart. Apply from Kela.
• Maintenance allowance — 197.71 €/month per child, if maintenance is not paid or confirmed (see the previous section).
• Housing allowance — your finances changed, so apply for the benefit again or for a review. A single adult's household may be eligible even if you were not as a couple.
• Social assistance — if your income does not cover essential expenses, apply from Kela as a last-resort benefit.

If money is tight in general, the Money when times are tight guide goes through legal options, and in an acute emergency the Emergency help page helps right away.

Where to get help

There is more free help than many people know. Family mediation (the wellbeing services county's social services) helps both with relationships and with sorting out practical matters. The child welfare officer confirms the agreements about the children free of charge. A legal aid office gives free initial advice, and as a low-income person you can get state legal aid for the whole process. Financial and debt counselling helps if there are problems with your finances.

For practical letters, ready-made templates are on the letter templates page, for example for changes of address and for ending contracts.

Important contact details gathered together